Difference between revisions of "Go from Introvert to Extrovert"
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== Steps == | == Steps == | ||
=== Understanding Introversion and Extroversion === | === Understanding Introversion and Extroversion === | ||
| − | #Recognize “introverted” traits. Introverts tend to be quieter people than extroverts. They often enjoy spending time with people, but would prefer the company of a close friend or two over a crowd of new people (don't compare it with shyness). Some of the differences between extroverts and introverts are likely because introverts’ brains process information differently than extroverts’ do.< | + | #Recognize “introverted” traits. Introverts tend to be quieter people than extroverts. They often enjoy spending time with people, but would prefer the company of a close friend or two over a crowd of new people (don't compare it with shyness). Some of the differences between extroverts and introverts are likely because introverts’ brains process information differently than extroverts’ do.<ref name="rf1">http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/302696/</ref><ref name="rf17067">http://io9.com/the-science-behind-extroversion-and-introversion-1282059791</ref> Despite common misconceptions, introverts do not “hate people,” and they’re not always shy. The following are some common introverted traits:<ref name="rf15286" /> |
#* Seeks out solitude.<ref name="rf13341" /> Introverts generally do just fine on their own. In many cases, they prefer to be alone, at least for most of the time. It isn’t that they’re afraid of other people; it’s just that they don’t feel as strong a need to be around others.<ref name="rf17068">https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200703/field-guide-the-loner-the-real-insiders?collection=101164</ref> | #* Seeks out solitude.<ref name="rf13341" /> Introverts generally do just fine on their own. In many cases, they prefer to be alone, at least for most of the time. It isn’t that they’re afraid of other people; it’s just that they don’t feel as strong a need to be around others.<ref name="rf17068">https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200703/field-guide-the-loner-the-real-insiders?collection=101164</ref> | ||
#* Prefers less stimulation. This refers most often to social stimulation, but it can also refer to physical stimulation. For example, introverts actually produce more saliva in response to tasting something acidic than extroverts! Noise, crowds, and bright lights (i.e., your typical nightclub) are not things introverts commonly enjoy.<ref name="rf17066" /> | #* Prefers less stimulation. This refers most often to social stimulation, but it can also refer to physical stimulation. For example, introverts actually produce more saliva in response to tasting something acidic than extroverts! Noise, crowds, and bright lights (i.e., your typical nightclub) are not things introverts commonly enjoy.<ref name="rf17066" /> | ||
#* Enjoys the company of a few people or quiet conversations.<ref name="rf17069">http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/302696/</ref> Introverts may enjoy socializing, but they usually find even pleasant social interactions make them tired after a while. Introverts need to “recharge” on their own.<ref name="rf17068" /> | #* Enjoys the company of a few people or quiet conversations.<ref name="rf17069">http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/302696/</ref> Introverts may enjoy socializing, but they usually find even pleasant social interactions make them tired after a while. Introverts need to “recharge” on their own.<ref name="rf17068" /> | ||
| − | #* Prefers to work alone. Introverts often do not enjoy working in groups. They would prefer to work things out on their own, or collaborate with just one or two people.< | + | #* Prefers to work alone. Introverts often do not enjoy working in groups. They would prefer to work things out on their own, or collaborate with just one or two people.<ref name="rf2">http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/extraversion-or-introversion.htm</ref> |
#* Enjoys routine and making plans. Strong introverts do not respond to novelty the same way extroverts do. Introverts may have a need for routine and predictability. They may spend significant time planning or reflecting before taking any action, even small ones.<ref name="rf17070">https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199907/the-difference-between-introverts-and-extroverts?collection=101164</ref><ref name="rf15286" /> | #* Enjoys routine and making plans. Strong introverts do not respond to novelty the same way extroverts do. Introverts may have a need for routine and predictability. They may spend significant time planning or reflecting before taking any action, even small ones.<ref name="rf17070">https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199907/the-difference-between-introverts-and-extroverts?collection=101164</ref><ref name="rf15286" /> | ||
#Recognize “extroverted” traits. Extroverts like to be around other people. They are often very active, and they generally have a variety of things going on.<ref name="rf15286" /> A common myth is that extroverts can’t stand to be alone, but this isn’t true. They just experience their alone time in a different way.<ref name="rf17063" /> The following are some common extroverted traits: | #Recognize “extroverted” traits. Extroverts like to be around other people. They are often very active, and they generally have a variety of things going on.<ref name="rf15286" /> A common myth is that extroverts can’t stand to be alone, but this isn’t true. They just experience their alone time in a different way.<ref name="rf17063" /> The following are some common extroverted traits: | ||
| − | #* Seeks out social situations. Extroverts are usually happiest when they’re around others. They experience socializing as “recharging” and may feel depleted or down if they don’t have social contact.< | + | #* Seeks out social situations. Extroverts are usually happiest when they’re around others. They experience socializing as “recharging” and may feel depleted or down if they don’t have social contact.<ref name="rf2" /> |
#* Enjoys sensory stimulation.<ref name="rf17070" /> People who are extroverts often have a different way of processing dopamine, which makes them excited or pleased when they encounter new and stimulating experiences.<ref name="rf17064" /> | #* Enjoys sensory stimulation.<ref name="rf17070" /> People who are extroverts often have a different way of processing dopamine, which makes them excited or pleased when they encounter new and stimulating experiences.<ref name="rf17064" /> | ||
#* May enjoy attention. Extroverts aren’t any more vain than anyone else, but they don’t usually mind it when people pay attention to them. | #* May enjoy attention. Extroverts aren’t any more vain than anyone else, but they don’t usually mind it when people pay attention to them. | ||
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#* Several studies have linked dopamine function to extroversion. It appears that extroverts’ brains are more likely to respond -- and respond strongly, with chemical “rewards” -- when risks or adventures pay off.<ref name="rf17064" /><ref name="rf17071" /> | #* Several studies have linked dopamine function to extroversion. It appears that extroverts’ brains are more likely to respond -- and respond strongly, with chemical “rewards” -- when risks or adventures pay off.<ref name="rf17064" /><ref name="rf17071" /> | ||
#* Extroverts are more likely to seek novelty and variation because of their dopamine function. One study showed that people with a specific gene that enhanced dopamine were more likely to be extroverted than people without that gene.<ref name="rf17072">http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11055-007-0058-8#page-1</ref> | #* Extroverts are more likely to seek novelty and variation because of their dopamine function. One study showed that people with a specific gene that enhanced dopamine were more likely to be extroverted than people without that gene.<ref name="rf17072">http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11055-007-0058-8#page-1</ref> | ||
| − | #Take a personality test. The Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory, one of the biggest tests to use the introvert/extrovert dynamic, has to be administered by a professional.< | + | #Take a personality test. The Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory, one of the biggest tests to use the introvert/extrovert dynamic, has to be administered by a professional.<ref name="rf3">http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/take-the-mbti-instrument/</ref> However, there are several versions of the test that are free online. They aren’t as comprehensive or professionally valid as the MBTI, but they can give you an idea of where on the introvert/extrovert continuum you usually fall. |
| − | #* 16Personalities has a short, helpful MBTI-type test that’s free. In addition to telling you your “type,” it will help you understand some common strengths and weaknesses associated with your dominant traits.< | + | #* 16Personalities has a short, helpful MBTI-type test that’s free. In addition to telling you your “type,” it will help you understand some common strengths and weaknesses associated with your dominant traits.<ref name="rf4">http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test</ref> |
| − | #Figure out whether you are introverted or shy. One common myth about introverted people is that they’re painfully shy. The flip side of this myth is that extroverted people are always party animals. Neither of these is always true. Shyness stems from a ''fear'' or anxiety over social interaction. Introversion stems from a lower innate ''need'' to socialize. Introverts score low on initiating socializing, but they also commonly score low on avoiding it.< | + | #Figure out whether you are introverted or shy. One common myth about introverted people is that they’re painfully shy. The flip side of this myth is that extroverted people are always party animals. Neither of these is always true. Shyness stems from a ''fear'' or anxiety over social interaction. Introversion stems from a lower innate ''need'' to socialize. Introverts score low on initiating socializing, but they also commonly score low on avoiding it.<ref name="rf5">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-introverts-corner/200910/introversion-vs-shyness-the-discussion-continues?collection=101164</ref> |
#* Research has shown that introversion and shyness have a very low correlation -- i.e., being shy doesn’t mean you don’t want to be around others, and not wanting (or needing) to be around others doesn’t mean you’re shy. Even extroverts can be shy!<ref name="rf17073">Cheek, J. M., & Melchior, L.A. (1990). Shyness, self-esteem, and self-consciousness. In H. Leitenberg (Ed.), Handbook of Social and Evaluation Anxiety (pp. 47-82). New York: Plenum Publishing.</ref> | #* Research has shown that introversion and shyness have a very low correlation -- i.e., being shy doesn’t mean you don’t want to be around others, and not wanting (or needing) to be around others doesn’t mean you’re shy. Even extroverts can be shy!<ref name="rf17073">Cheek, J. M., & Melchior, L.A. (1990). Shyness, self-esteem, and self-consciousness. In H. Leitenberg (Ed.), Handbook of Social and Evaluation Anxiety (pp. 47-82). New York: Plenum Publishing.</ref> | ||
#* Shyness is a problem when you feel that it causes you anxiety or interferes with what you ''want'' to do.<ref name="rf17074">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/singletons/200811/shyness-biologically-based-mental-disorder-or-personality-quirk</ref> Support groups and self-acceptance training may help you overcome troublesome shyness.<ref name="rf17075">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shyness-is-nice/201401/how-overcome-anxiety-shyness-real-life-success-stories</ref> | #* Shyness is a problem when you feel that it causes you anxiety or interferes with what you ''want'' to do.<ref name="rf17074">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/singletons/200811/shyness-biologically-based-mental-disorder-or-personality-quirk</ref> Support groups and self-acceptance training may help you overcome troublesome shyness.<ref name="rf17075">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shyness-is-nice/201401/how-overcome-anxiety-shyness-real-life-success-stories</ref> | ||
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#* For example, swing by a coworker’s cubicle and ask if s/he wants to get lunch with you that day. Take your romantic partner out for dinner and a movie without planning where you will go or what you’ll see. Small actions like these will help you get more comfortable with spontaneity in safe, rewarding situations. | #* For example, swing by a coworker’s cubicle and ask if s/he wants to get lunch with you that day. Take your romantic partner out for dinner and a movie without planning where you will go or what you’ll see. Small actions like these will help you get more comfortable with spontaneity in safe, rewarding situations. | ||
# Plan ahead for group interactions. When you know that you will be in public or leading an activity or a meeting, or when you will be in a large group of people, prepare and organize your thoughts. This will reduce anxiety and stress. | # Plan ahead for group interactions. When you know that you will be in public or leading an activity or a meeting, or when you will be in a large group of people, prepare and organize your thoughts. This will reduce anxiety and stress. | ||
| − | #Flex your social skills. A common myth is that extroverts are “better” at socializing with others than introverts. This isn’t really true.<ref name="rf13341" /> However, others may initially ''perceive'' extroversion as more positive because extroverts tend to seek out interactions with others.< | + | #Flex your social skills. A common myth is that extroverts are “better” at socializing with others than introverts. This isn’t really true.<ref name="rf13341" /> However, others may initially ''perceive'' extroversion as more positive because extroverts tend to seek out interactions with others.<ref name="rf6">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-introverts-corner/201109/extrovert-envy?collection=101164</ref> Challenge yourself to seek out at least one interaction in the next social situation you are in.<ref name="rf5617" /> |
#* Speak to one person at a party. It may seem overwhelming to try to “work the room” like a strong extrovert might. Instead, plan to speak to one person. Introduce yourself by saying something like, “I don’t think we’ve met, I’m…..”<ref name="rf5617" /> | #* Speak to one person at a party. It may seem overwhelming to try to “work the room” like a strong extrovert might. Instead, plan to speak to one person. Introduce yourself by saying something like, “I don’t think we’ve met, I’m…..”<ref name="rf5617" /> | ||
#* Look for the other “wallflowers.” They may be introverted, or they may just be shy. Saying hi to them may be the beginning of a great friendship, but you won’t know until you try.<ref name="rf17079">http://blogs.wsj.com/atwork/2015/04/03/an-introverts-advice-for-getting-ahead-2/</ref> | #* Look for the other “wallflowers.” They may be introverted, or they may just be shy. Saying hi to them may be the beginning of a great friendship, but you won’t know until you try.<ref name="rf17079">http://blogs.wsj.com/atwork/2015/04/03/an-introverts-advice-for-getting-ahead-2/</ref> | ||
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#* Invite a few friends to a small get-together at your house. Invite each friend to bring a friend of theirs, preferably one you haven’t met before. This way, you’ll meet new people in a comfortable setting with people you already know. | #* Invite a few friends to a small get-together at your house. Invite each friend to bring a friend of theirs, preferably one you haven’t met before. This way, you’ll meet new people in a comfortable setting with people you already know. | ||
#* Expand online relationships and socializing into face-to-face socializing. If you use forums, for example, you could focus on local ones and search for opportunities to meet up offline. You won’t be meeting people who feel like total strangers that way. | #* Expand online relationships and socializing into face-to-face socializing. If you use forums, for example, you could focus on local ones and search for opportunities to meet up offline. You won’t be meeting people who feel like total strangers that way. | ||
| − | #* Remember, strong introverts are often easily overstimulated.< | + | #* Remember, strong introverts are often easily overstimulated.<ref name="rf7">https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200703/field-guide-the-loner-the-real-insiders?collection=101164</ref> You won’t be able to get to know people if you’re also fighting a variety of distracting stimuli. Choose places and situations that are comfortable (or just ''slightly'' uncomfortable). You’re more likely to socialize when you feel comfortable. |
#Join a workout class. You can still respect your introvert tendencies, of course. For example, a class in yoga might be perfect for you, since yoga involves a focus on inner meditation and quietness. Befriend the person next to you, or ask the instructor a few questions. | #Join a workout class. You can still respect your introvert tendencies, of course. For example, a class in yoga might be perfect for you, since yoga involves a focus on inner meditation and quietness. Befriend the person next to you, or ask the instructor a few questions. | ||
#* Remember, you don’t have to speak to every person in a room to embrace your more extroverted traits. | #* Remember, you don’t have to speak to every person in a room to embrace your more extroverted traits. | ||
| − | #Join or [[Start a Book Group|start a book club]]. This is a great way to turn a solitary activity into a social one. Book clubs will allow you to share your opinions and thoughts with others who have similar interests. Introverts often enjoy deep conversations with a small number of people, and book clubs can fit the bill.< | + | #Join or [[Start a Book Group|start a book club]]. This is a great way to turn a solitary activity into a social one. Book clubs will allow you to share your opinions and thoughts with others who have similar interests. Introverts often enjoy deep conversations with a small number of people, and book clubs can fit the bill.<ref name="rf1" /> |
#* Book clubs usually meet infrequently, such as once a week or once a month. Because of this, they can be good for introverts, who generally don’t want to socialize as often. | #* Book clubs usually meet infrequently, such as once a week or once a month. Because of this, they can be good for introverts, who generally don’t want to socialize as often. | ||
#* If you don’t know where to find a book club, look online. Goodreads.com functions as an online book club, where people have discussions and share opinions. Goodreads also lists many local book clubs. Find a group that seems to mesh well with your interests. | #* If you don’t know where to find a book club, look online. Goodreads.com functions as an online book club, where people have discussions and share opinions. Goodreads also lists many local book clubs. Find a group that seems to mesh well with your interests. | ||
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#* Improv classes can also be helpful for introverts. Improv will teach you to think of your feet, develop flexibility, and say “yes” to new information and experiences. One of the key concepts of improv is to accept whatever is thrown at you and run with it -- a skill that will definitely help you push past your introvert comfort zone.<ref name="rf17083">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/self-promotion-introverts/201310/improv-introverts</ref> | #* Improv classes can also be helpful for introverts. Improv will teach you to think of your feet, develop flexibility, and say “yes” to new information and experiences. One of the key concepts of improv is to accept whatever is thrown at you and run with it -- a skill that will definitely help you push past your introvert comfort zone.<ref name="rf17083">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/self-promotion-introverts/201310/improv-introverts</ref> | ||
#[[Join a Band|Join a musical group.]] Joining a musical group, such as a choir, band, or even a barbershop quartet, can help you make new friends. These activities can be good for introverts, since the focus on the music can take some pressure off of you to socialize. | #[[Join a Band|Join a musical group.]] Joining a musical group, such as a choir, band, or even a barbershop quartet, can help you make new friends. These activities can be good for introverts, since the focus on the music can take some pressure off of you to socialize. | ||
| − | #* Several famous musicians are introverts. Country legend Will Rogers and pop star Christina Aguilera are just a few examples.< | + | #* Several famous musicians are introverts. Country legend Will Rogers and pop star Christina Aguilera are just a few examples.<ref name="rf8">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/13/famous-introverts_n_3733400.html</ref> |
#Allow yourself down time. After you’ve pushed yourself to embrace a social situation, be sure to give yourself some quiet time to mentally and emotionally recover. As an introvert, you need “down time” in order to feel refreshed and ready to socialize again. | #Allow yourself down time. After you’ve pushed yourself to embrace a social situation, be sure to give yourself some quiet time to mentally and emotionally recover. As an introvert, you need “down time” in order to feel refreshed and ready to socialize again. | ||
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#* For example, if you’re at a party with a friend, tell him or her “I’m having a great time!” You may naturally be more reserved or quiet, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a complete mystery. | #* For example, if you’re at a party with a friend, tell him or her “I’m having a great time!” You may naturally be more reserved or quiet, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a complete mystery. | ||
#* Similarly, if you run out of gas at a social gathering before others -- and you might -- be clear about that too. You can say something like, “I really enjoyed myself, but I’m getting tired now. I’m going to head home. Thanks for a great time!” This way, others will know you had a good experience, but you can also stand up for your need to go home and recharge. | #* Similarly, if you run out of gas at a social gathering before others -- and you might -- be clear about that too. You can say something like, “I really enjoyed myself, but I’m getting tired now. I’m going to head home. Thanks for a great time!” This way, others will know you had a good experience, but you can also stand up for your need to go home and recharge. | ||
| − | #Respect your differences. Introversion and extroversion are just different ways of being. One isn’t superior to the other. Don’t put yourself down for responding to situations in a different way than your friends or loved ones do. Similarly, don’t judge others for how they respond to situations.< | + | #Respect your differences. Introversion and extroversion are just different ways of being. One isn’t superior to the other. Don’t put yourself down for responding to situations in a different way than your friends or loved ones do. Similarly, don’t judge others for how they respond to situations.<ref name="rf9">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-introverts-corner/201102/mistakes-introverts-make</ref> |
#* It’s unfortunately common for extroverts to stereotype introverts as “people haters” or “boring.” It’s equally common for introverts to generalize all extroverts as “shallow” or “chaotic.” Don’t feel as though you have to put down the “other side” to appreciate who you are. Each type of person has strengths and challenges.<ref name="rf17080" /> | #* It’s unfortunately common for extroverts to stereotype introverts as “people haters” or “boring.” It’s equally common for introverts to generalize all extroverts as “shallow” or “chaotic.” Don’t feel as though you have to put down the “other side” to appreciate who you are. Each type of person has strengths and challenges.<ref name="rf17080" /> | ||
